Family Discipline

Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes most parents feel uncomfortable. In countries such as the United States, United Kingdom and Australia discipline has swung between a very child-centred approach where it seems parents forgot that they were the adults in the parent-child relationship through to the use of parent-focused techniques that place control firmly in the hands of parents. Despite the variety of approaches available parents commonly struggle to get discipline right. Recent Australian research shows that 58 per cent of parents struggle to find the appropriate approach to disciplining their children. Children in their first few years of life are hard work for any parent. Children in the 2-3 year age group present the most challenges to parents behaviourally, with the 11-14 year age group coming a close second. Evidence suggests that parents of young children need to adopt a real-life approach to discipline that is heavy on teaching rather than the punitive stuff. Dr. Sal Severe author of the recently published book for parents "How To Behave So Your Children Will Too" says, "Consistency is the most important element in a child's relationship with their parents." Children need parental consistency as it gives them a sense of security and control.

Consistency means parents dealing with the little misbehaviours and not letting them grow into bigger behaviours. It means parents following through and allowing children to experience a consequence when they misbehave. It also means that both parents in a dual parent relationship have a similar approach to behaviours. Children learn from a young age to play one parent off against each other when they standards differ.

Timeout is effective if used to either break a young child's pattern of behaviour or interrupt a deteriorating situation. Effective discipline with young children involves a refusal by adults to become involved in the behaviour games that they can play. Children don't act in a vacuum. The language a parent uses with young children can make a huge difference. Effective parents avoid over talking at the point of misbehaviour and don't try to fight children on every battlefront.

Parenting by remote control or from a distance just won't cut it with many children.

The high priority parents place on healthy relationships with children is not compromised by the need to teach them appropriate, safe and socially acceptable behaviour. In fact, good discipline and a good parent-child relationship go hand-in-hand. Discipline maybe misunderstood these days but there is no mistake about its importance for children and parents.